Ok so at the advise of a good friend I am going to start being real on this blog. My friend did not imply that I wasn’t being “real” they just felt that I wasn’t really sharing all the things in the blog that I would naturally share in person. So, this blog may be a little different. It will seem more like a confession than a motivational blog.
The truth. I began the journey at 626 lbs. I had always been over-weight and I didn’t know what it felt like to be normal. I didn’t know what it felt like to have that feeling of being a “man” - a guy that people looked up to. I idolized men who were able to be that “guy”. I wanted to be that “guy”. I never felt that until after I had surgery.
I began the journey on 7/31/2002. I started living on that day. Over the next 6 months I lost 200 lbs. I went back to work after 7 years of disability. I continued to lose weight for over 24 months. At my lowest I had lost 385lbs (I was down to 241). My life was on ‘hyper speed’.
I was working for ObesityHelp as the events manager. I got married to a person who was post-op. I was “king of the world”. For about 6 months around 7/2004 - 12/2005 I was unstoppable. I was speaking at conferences twice a month. I was being called by the mainstream press. I was most probably only about a year away from establishing myself as a premier brand in the bariatric industry.
Through a series of events my life began to take a downward spiral. Some of which was my own fault. Other things was the fault of others. Let’s start with my own fault. Because I was so impressionable having not been “that guy” for long when I met someone who showed me any attention at all I loved it. I craved it. It became like a drug. It was my new “food” - I lived on the praise of others. I needed it more than food and water. The more praise I got the more I wanted it. I became an attention “whore” and I loved it.
When I married in July of 2005; I believe part of me married because I wanted to have ‘full time attention’. I thought that would happen in a marriage. Boy, was I wrong. I never imagined in a thousand life-times that I would have to struggle even in marriage to get what I was looking for. I had come to the reality that I “needed” something that I wasn’t getting even from marriage.
As life would have it I also found myself facing some drastic career changes. I was taken from the events department and put into the sales department. This event coupled with the marriage that didn’t bring the things I was looking for set me up for the ensuing depression and binge eating.
While I don’t blame anyone but myself in this story; I just wish people would be more understanding of exactly how fragile a food addict is until they have successful been ‘off the obese wagon’ for at least 5 years. I didn’t know it then but, I know now; the events department had been my support system and my life-line for what I needed. Acceptance. I was being bombarded by “ooos, awwhs..” the drug of my choice. I needed to feel accepted and events gave me that. However, when the events were over so was my ‘drug supply’. Nothing was giving me what I needed. So, I gave up.
By the end of 2005; my new found eating habits had been thrown out. I was eating what I wanted when I wanted. My now estranged wife and were expecting a child which only served to add another dimension of pressure to an already fragile psyche. It is not by accident that my life changes (marriage, job change, etc) had allowed me to embrace the one thing that had always brought me comfort. Food.
I returned to food like I always had. My addiction was back. My life was now spinning back out of control from December 2005 until December 2008 (today) I gained back 136 lbs. Three years to gain so much weight is frightening. I weigh 377 today. I am afraid. Not afraid because I can’t control myself; but afraid that I allowed this slippery slope to take back so much of my life.
One thing that I have found with obesity as the pounds come one the self-esteem errodes. So, what I have had to do was build myself back up from the bottom again. This time not on the “oohs and awhs” but, on who I really am. The real mccoy. The real Bo McCoy. The one who has had to learn to love myself despite my obvious short-comings. The real Bo that lies in his bed wishing he could have that moment back in time when I gave up.
This might be hard for some to believe. I have always been a motivator right? Of course. I am a perfect compartmentalized person. I had a ’stage Bo’ and a ‘life Bo’. The stage Bo belived and lived the hope. The life Bo was still screaming for help from those around. Slipping, falling, unable to find a place to plant my feet.
So what is different today than December 2005? Because today my life and self image is not built on the ‘high of being accepted by others’; my life is built on me. My name is Bo McCoy, and I offer myself honestly to this world. I try to give more than I take. I love more than I demand. I am a genuine person with an honest love for life.
I can’t tell you how good it feels to stand in front of a crowd and motivate them to find this ‘place’. The place I call the “real mccoy”. The inner person who I really am. I wish the people in the crowd could see their own faces. When the crowds here the words “your worth more than your weight in gold..” and “find your real mccoy”; I see hope coming back into their eyes. The same kind of hope I had in July of 2002.
So, what do I do now? I ask for help from my community to support me daily as I post my journey to battle back to my 250 rage weight. I want it for me now. Not for the “oohs and awhs” but, for the Bo McCoy who has been pardoned from Obesity. I want strut down the street (yes I meant strut) because regardless of how others might think of me; I am special. I am a rockstar! I am worthy of holding my head up high because I have done what few people do in this world, I have been honest iwth myself. I have been honest with you the reader.
So, where do I go from here. I go forward. I have always been a fall forward kind-of guy. So, I am 377 lbs; and I am going forward. I am going to lose 136 lbs I gained. I am going to finish my degrees and I am going to publish my book, “You’re worth more than your weight in gold”. Because, knowing what I know about this industry (the people in it)…there are allot of people who need to know that the real mccoy is still lerking inside them and they need to let him/her out.
Look out world. Bo McCoy is struting down the road…(can you hear the tune?) ….
This is me at my lowest weight (241):
